To my second born son

To my second born son

Mr Chunka Munka

We’ve known each other for five months now and you must think the world is very small, that you are just expected to get on with things and slot in to daily life. I wanted to write this, to let you know that this isn’t the case in my eyes. I see you, who you are and I want you to know that although your first five months have been very different from your brother’s, every moment with you has been a delight.

 

We haven’t had a lot of visitors but we have been parents for a few years now. To others we’ve done this  before, but to us we’ve never done this with you or known you before!

Obviously you weren’t around the first time to make this comparison, but I was and at first, it broke my heart. I love you so very much and want you to know how important you are. But then I realised I can do this. All babies are different and exciting; no matter how many you’ve had before, you were ever so wanted and when people make the effort to meet you, they all love you to pieces.

We’ve had you all to ourselves and the people that matter have been in your life from the very start and continue to be so. As your Mummy, this has been amazing, because time goes so fast, so I am soaking it all up.

The first time, we had lots of people giving us advice whether we asked for it or not and this knocked our confidence; we don’t have this problem this time and we also have a little experience on our side; so you get the tried and tested ways to do things, which I think you will agree, is working for us as you’re such a happy little boy.

 

Because I understand that you being a baby goes so fast, you go to groups at a much younger age than your brother did, I’m not afraid to walk through that door because the groups are for you and we have a great time together.

You may have all of your brother’s old clothes, your brother’s old toys and not many things that you could class as only being yours, but this is because the first time, I thought your brother needed those things; I thought he needed all of the material possessions, the trendy little outfits when all he needed was his family and their time. 

baby posing in high chair

So this is what you have little one, a solid foundation supported by people that love you and will empower you to be your own little person. You may hear many times that you’re not like your brother and that’s OK. We want you to be two completely different people just as long as you are both there for each other, healthy and happy.

I love you to the moon and back, my little boss baby. You, your Dada and your brother are my absolute world.

 

 

 

 

Birth Story // EET

Birth Story // EET

I’d been absolutely dreading childbirth the second time around even though RLT’s childbirth was quite straightforward and quick. Where I was determined to use hypnobirthing and be drug free as possible the first time, this time I just wanted water and although I wanted to keep drug free because I didn’t like the thought of the impact of pain meds on the baby, if it hurt, I was more open-minded.

My lasting memory of last time I gave birth was the pressure in my behind – no one had mentioned that before, but it is something that my friend Nicola has experienced since in the birth of her second son, Felix. I did not want to feel as though I had the worst constipation ever that was finally making its way out and that’s exactly how I remember the initial pain of childbirth!

It’s taken me three months to write this because, at the time, labour felt relatively straightforward, but as we digested the events, we needed a little time to work through them in our minds. We already had one boy, we thought it would be quite similar, how wrong could we be!

So after getting engaged in Cuba in November 2017, being told work couldn’t finance my MBA in September 2017 and 35 approaching fast, I wanted to have another baby – before weddings and before the possibility of losing two years to academia happened. With the start date being delayed by a year, possibly two, putting off completing our family seemed like a rather silly thing to do and I’d be almost forty! Thankfully my other half agreed that it would be nice to have all of our family at our wedding and he would quite like a September baby just as he was.

Obviously, we didn’t realise that at the beginning of a New Year is the most popular time for people to try for a baby – this soon became apparent because every booking we need to make filled up fast! Appointments with midwives, scans and the most crucial one of all (which we would find out later) beds on maternity wards!

As I’ve mentioned before on this blog, I was extremely anxious during pregnancy and had a fair few early scans for one reason or another – but when our twelve-week appointment came around we were given the due date of 26th September – the most popular birthday in Britain!

I thought that was a little early by my dates so was sure it would be early October. I took a few weeks annual leave before my maternity leave was officially to start on 24th September as work advise to start maternity around a week before the baby gets here.

I’d been really tuned in to every tweak and feeling within this pregnancy as I was sure something bad was going to happen- that black cloud wouldn’t shift. I’d been sure my waters had broken (likely that I’d just wee’d – cringe) and my mum had taken RLT overnight a few times because I was just sure something was going to happen (probably me just psychologically rehearsing but I felt really odd pains at times – turns out it was baby flipping over).

Sunday 23rd I felt manageable period type pain – waiting for the pending uncomfortable pain in backside before I knew if it was anything serious. Asked my mum to take RLT overnight just in case, ummed and arred about this until bedtime, but thought it best to have an unneeded sleepover than to get him and Grandma out of bed in the early hours if required. This also meant that Mark and I could watch the finale of The Bodyguard uninterrupted! The pain kept slightly taking my breath away, so at 8pm I thought I’d best ring the maternity ward as it was every few minutes and as I found last time, I have a high pain threshold as contractions didnt bother me until I was 9cm – I was determined to have a waterbirth as it would be my last birthing experience so wanted to get there with time to fill the pool!

A quite blunt lady told me to ring back when my contractions were about 4 mins apart – I tried to argue that that is what I did last time and I was 9cm so I would like to come in and be examined now as it was 5-6 and there was no time for pain relief or pool last time. She asked how far away from the hospital I was, where I lived and told me I should stay at home longer and ring back. She really annoyed me, I found her to be quite rude so I didn’t want to ring back at all! I sat timing the contractions and I got to watch The Bodyguard! Determined that I didn’t want to be a time waster and that it hurt but wasn’t ridiculous, I pottered about the house for a few more hours, sorting things out, having a bath and then I felt like someone had put a stick up my bum! I knew what that meant! So the hospital I rang.

The lady I spoke to this time was much nicer, took down details of everything I was saying about needing to come in to be assessed as the pain was becoming hard for me to tolerate. She asked where I lived, I told her and she explained that they were now closed for new intake as they had reached their quota for how many midwives per patient on the ward. She would have to contact another hospital in our area to see if they could take me.

This was not part of the plan – I’d already had my little boy at that hospital, I was so happy with the care I got there and that’s where I had all of my scans. I didn’t even know where the maternity ward was in the other hospital. She said at least the hospital was a reasonable drive from me, she’d had to send people a 45 minute drive to there – imagine how they felt? I quite honestly couldn’t have given a rats ass about them at this moment in time. She put down the phone to call the other hospital about taking me and I broke down to Mark and started having a panic attack. I felt so unprepared for this! We had chosen that hospital for a reason, I’d been told so many horrible things about the other one and everytime I went there were smackheads smoking outside A&E, I didn’t want to have to fight my way though them! This was a nightmare!

She rang back at 11.22pm and confirmed they were waiting for me on the maternity ward. So we had a little whinge, did what we needed to do and set off for the hospital. Obviously this was the worst journey in the world, as it was dark, I was in such a bad mood about this and couldn’t catch my breath – oh and the contractions had ramped up. To add to this, Mark didn’t have a bloody clue where this hospital was as he isn’t from the area, so as well as everything else, I had to direct him (neither of us seemed to be thinking straight as our car has sat nav!?). A fox darted across the road just outside of our cul-de-sac, so now I had the added thoughts in my head that our cat was going to be eaten by a fox whilst we were out. OH THIS WAS WONDERFUL.

Even parking the car was an ordeal. Obviously, I didn’t give Mark any credit for being scared and taken off guard about the change in hospital at the time but he couldn’t get the car in the parking space, despite there being no cars around him and he then realised he had no change for the parking. The parking at the other hospital is pay on departure not arrival as this one was. He told me to go ahead and he’d catch me up – how about he just hurried his ass up; as I was in no state to try and navigate him round a hospital when he got lost, which he would as he as zero sense of direction unless it is up a mountain.

So there were two maternity wards on the signs, oh great. How the hell was I supposed to know which one to go to? I started getting upset. Mark pointed at one, said to try the one that was in our eye line. Pressed the buzzer, they were waiting for us at the other one, of course they were.

So we got to the other ‘maternity unit’ which when we got up close was the pregnancy assessment unit, they musnt have been able to fit all of those words on the sign downstairs. There were two ladies on reception, one a midwife and one a lady in blue scrubs who was getting instructions from the midwife. I must have looked terrified as the midwife was telling me not to be scared and that everything would be ok. She took me into an assessment room, she had a very calming manner about her, chatted to us both while I got on the bed and I had a little panic attack again about not being prepared as this wasn’t where I’d envisaged being, once she calmed me down she assessed me and told me I was 8cm – I’d bloody done it again and was so annoyed with the other hospital, if they had let me go in earlier I’d have been admitted!

The midwife said she was going to take me to the maternity unit, did I want to walk or did I need a wheelchair? I said I’d walk, just as I did when I was 9cm the last time. As we had 2 more cm to go I thought the walk would help.

She started locking up the pregnancy assessment unit and said that she would be delivering our baby. Wow, I thought good service that you get the same person all the way through, that’s really personal, maybe I was wrong about this place? She took me straight to a delivery room, which I noticed had the pool in the room next to it. Would I like the pool running? Yes please. She told me to get my nighty on and a maternity assistant came in with various bits and bobs, including a wristband for me which needed details on it. The midwife asked the maternity assistant to do it as she couldn’t remember what the procedure was – I thought that was weird but I had some other things going on so didn’t probe.

The pool was filling but it was massive and only had a bath-sized tap – the toilet was in the same room as it, so I kept going to check on it as I was sure I needed a number two 😂 there was that pain again! I remembered it well and it still felt awful! I was trying to visualise it was the baby’s head moving down rather than focusing on the pain, being on the bed felt like it would halt progress so I was walking around the room while I spoke to Mark who was sat in a chair and whooosssshhhh my waters went all over the floor and all over Mark’s shoes.

The midwife told me to get on the bed whilst she cleaned the floor and said to tell her if i felt like pushing? I had another two cm to go so was confused and I wasn’t in the pool yet? Then the pain ramped up a bit. I don’t think I took the gas and air out of my mouth at this point.

I can’t give you details of how many pushes because I blacked out. I remember pushing and the top half of my body julting backwards and forwards on the bed and hearing “Nicola, what do you think you’re doing?” from the Midwife. I came round and have no idea where I went, she told me to stay with her and follow exactly what she was telling me to do. She told me off for breathing away contractions rather than pushing, but I didn’t think I was. So I tried to tune in and pushed into my bum like I was told.

Then I was told to stop and under no circumstances to push – breathe the contractions away. She went between my legs and said the head was out, then she asked Mark to go around. What was she doing? I didn’t want him down there! She explained the cord was wrapped around the baby’s head twice, so we needed to get this off before I pushed anymore.

She asked me to look and I couldn’t. I didn’t want the first time I saw my baby to be of him with his cord around his head. So I kept my eyes closed and focused on the gas and air. I stupidly looked at Mark’s face for reassurance and he looked terrified. She asked Mark to cut the cord whilst she held it off the baby’s neck. She seemed very relaxed, but Mark, who is the calmest person I know, was really struggling to keep his emotions in check. He couldn’t cut through the cord and she was telling him to be faster and he sounded terrified when he was telling her the scissors weren’t cutting.

I puffed on the gas and air again, I couldn’t deal. When they got the cord cut, she told me to start pushing again immediately to get the baby out. She was pushing on my perineum to make it easier and I felt as though her calm mask had now slipped.

I’m pretty sure she pulled him out when his shoulders were out. Or that’s how it felt. Then he was placed on my chest! He was here and OK!

From getting to the hospital to him being out it took 57 minutes. It was fast and furious and alot to take in.

My blacking out and the cord incident had left Mark traumatised. He said he thought he was going to lose us when the midwife had left the room.

I was in a bit of a daze from blacking out. Apparently I did it a few times and Mark didn’t know what to do.

Someone came in to help Midwife and said to her “I bet you didn’t expect to do that when you came to work tonight”. She then explained she worked on pregnancy assessment and hadn’t delivered a baby in eight years, so it was a her pleasure to help us. No wonder it felt a bit rough and ready compared to last time!

We have since mentioned this to friends and one who is a Doctor was questioning whether the cord was clamped. Apparently it’s not really procedure that Mark was allowed to cut it when it was round the baby’s neck. Neither of us recall any clamping, but that’s not to say she didn’t do it without Mark seeing – but there was definitely blood spurting all over him when he was trying to cut. But he’s here and he’s perfect so we’re not questionning whether the midwife has not followed procedure.

dad holding newborn baby looking at sunrise in darlington memorial hospital

I’m a little bit gutted I will never get to experience the water birth I wanted. But I think I’m fairly lucky with two births lightening quick! 2 hours 41 for the first and 57 minutes for the other.

The differences in care between the two hospitals was ridiculous despite them being part of the same trust. I definitely stand by my decision to opt to deliver elsewhere. The delivery suite which we stayed in until we left 7 hours later was next to the nurses station and we couldn’t sleep for the staff bitching and terrifying a first-year midwifery students with their tales of how hard done by they were. As the midwife who delivered out baby had gone to her ward, we were just left. I wasn’t offered any food or drink nor were we checked on by anyone other than the midwife who did the baby’s checks seven hours after delivery. It was very much a different experience to our first maternity unit experience but a very good story if the boys ever ask why their places of birth are different on their passports.

So little EET (who was nameless for a good few days after his birth) was born at 00.57 on 24th September 2018. He weighed 7lb 1oz although he looks huge on all photographs! Our little family is complete!

In case I’m too tired to mention…..

In case I’m too tired to mention…..

Dear Boss Babies,

In case I’m too tired to mention or show in the next few months, I picked you the best Dada. The world is about to get a little crazy, I don’t know how our little unit is going to transition to being a family of four, but rest assured we will find our way and your Dada will be the backbone of this.

See, we’ve been here before two years ago, a little less experienced and a little less aware of how much love that we would feel for you boys. So the house may get a little messy, we will be tired, short-tempered with one another and Dada will probably hop off on his motorbike for some peace once in a while but we will get there and you will always come first.

In a Dada you will both have a ready-made best friend and cheerleader. He will never put pressure on you to be anything other than happy (and tidy) and that’s the best thing a Dad can do; as well as be there – which he will be, always. You will probably take this for granted because you won’t know any different and you know what? That is OK with us, because we don’t ever want you to know any different to that. Your only complaints should be that he works too hard and thinks too much to give you as many adventures as you desire.

baby and dad looking in lake at hardwick park sedgefield

I look forward to watching you all from the sidelines from your adventures together. Having two boys is not something we have any experience of in our immediate families, we will do our very best by you, that we do promise.

To paraphrase  Tim Templeton from RLT’s favourite, The Boss Baby….

Every morning when you wake up, I’ll be there/

Every night at dinner, I’ll be there.

On every birthday, every Christmas …

I’ll be there.

Year after year after year.

We grow together.

little boy watering garden with hose helped by dad

Is it worth getting a 4D scan

Is it worth getting a 4D scan

There aren’t many ‘firsts’ to experience after you’ve had one successful pregnancy, so to ensure that we had a special experience with baby number two, my partner booked a 4D scan as my birthday present as we never did this with #rlt. I’ve always thought 3D scans a little bit freaky, but I had a look at Window to the wombs social media channels and the 4D scans which were then compared to the baby when they were born were brilliant! You really did get a feel for what the baby looked like! I’ve been quite open in that this pregnancy is very different to my last one, so I was really excited to see our baby in 4D!

Mark had booked it online and the scan was quite local, but it seemed sooooo far away from when he originally told me about it (I needed something to look forward to in the short term at that point), the company were great and let us move it forward. We didn’t quite know what to expect, so went with no expectations at all.

The customer service was absolutely fabulous, everyone asked a lot of questions about the baby and for the first time in a long time, I felt that people were interested and that made me happy and excited. I feel that this time everyone feels that we’ve done it once, so aren’t interested as much. Only my sister-in-law who has two of her own gets it and gets excited as me and asks to feel the kicks. So I loved talking about our baby and the pregnancy to the staff.

The sonographer and the lady with her kept this rapport up and again were absolutely fabulous. I didn’t realise I had to take my maternity notes, so was a bit panicked about that, the joys of you not getting the confirmation when someone else books the test for you! So I felt very unprepared and unsure what the process was other than let them scan my belly. I also didn’t know that the package was (it was called Born to be a Star, that much I now know).

The process was like the usual NHS scan except there were TV screens on the wall in front and to the sides, from the usual view the sonographer would press something and the image would then change to a 4D one of the baby.

Typically our little one was sucking their thumb throughout the entire scan! Something that we found RLT was doing when he was born, so that was really interesting! The images on the screen – I’ll be honest, some of them were terrifying, at angles he looked like a Gremlin – but you’ve got to remember that it is a real-time 3D image which is formed from soundwaves not an actual photo of your baby!

It was really, really interesting to see and he really does resemble his big brother! I did need the visualisation because I have been so scared throughout this pregnancy that something is going to go wrong, even more so than last one, so it was brilliant to see him, to see his little face and check his heartbeat was OK.

There were various packages available and the one Mark opted for was £109, born to be a star package, included in this were stated as:

  • Well-being scan & report
  • 99%+ accurate gender confirmation
  • full 4D scan
  • Full movie recording of your 4D scan
  • 4 medium full colour photo prints
  • All digital images

So after the scan, which lasted about 11 minutes, we were asked to go and select four images – which as I didn’t know anything about the package, I assumed were the only ones we were able to take away. But basically, they printed out four on a printer for us and put them in an envelope. We were then given a code which again was put in the envelope to download the video and other images. I was a bit confused by this as all of the literature pointed to IOS device app compatibility, nothing about android and the corresponding ‘bumpies’ app on the play store had an odd summary, which did not mention getting your scan images on there. But anyway, it worked and all of the images that she showed us on the screen were available to download to my phone. Such as this one of baby enjoying his thumb and blocking his face so we couldn’t see him!

It took a while to work out the video – Mark assumed we would get a DVD that we could show RLT as we decided against taking him – he’d only try and press all of the buttons on the ultrasound machine! But the video was basically what appeared on the screen for the 11 minutes and was a little hard to find on the download section, only when it appeared in my google drive did it become apparent. There was also music over the top of it. It is great to keep.

We didn’t get any kind of printed report and a report is in the package – so I am unsure if that is a verbal one as she did check the heartbeat and we did hear it (at this point they ask you if you want to purchase a heartbeat bear). So I think that should be more explicit.

VERDICT: I am glad I have had the experience, however if I was paying for it myself, I am not sure if I would have been happy with the cost, as it does seem exceptionally expensive – it is pretty much £10 per minute of scanning and the outcomes are basically to your phone, which I think takes the magic away! I think a dvd would have been a nice touch to keep in a memory box – or even a USB stick. Because I didn’t want anything for my birthday and because of how I have been feeling, it was perfect for me and has given me a massive lift. However if it was something someone was having to seriously save for, I probably wouldn’t recommend it, it is a nice to have, but not essential. However the clinics are incredibly busy, appointments are incredibly hard to come by, so there is definitely a market out there!

 

No two pregnancies are the same

No two pregnancies are the same

I am currently one day off being 29 weeks pregnant and I have to admit, I went into this with total ignorance. Why? Because I never quite realised that every pregnancy is different and no matter what experience you’ve had before, you’re not quite guaranteed the same outcome a second or third time.

I know that our family will not be complete without another child and with the age of 35 fast approaching and a recent engagement, I was adamant that our family would be complete sooner rather than later, but my goodness to get to this point has taken it out of me physically and mentally.

My last pregnancy brought this positive mindset/hormone set along with it that I have never experienced before and I absolutely adored. I loved being pregnant with RLT; I felt the happiest I have ever felt. I went all hippy and healthy too (with exception of the masses of chocolate I ate). Even at the most testing of times moving home and my other half living in London when I was heavily pregnant, I was so positive, happy and embraced every little milestone.

This pregnancy has felt very different from the start and I’m absolutely devastated by this, as I know it will be the last time I carry a baby. From very early on, I have closed my eyes and yearned for the moment that the baby is in my arms. Nine months seems too long and at times I’ve wondered how dark the cloud could get. It’s been totally terrifying and I have never felt more lonely in my life. Yet I am surrounded by people and never on my own. It has been bizarre.

From early on the panic set in, even though I have had a successful pregnancy since I miscarried in 2015, I have been utterly terrified that something bad is going to happen every day. I think it is related to the fact that from early on I have physically felt how I felt in my first pregnancy when I miscarried, so I have brought those feelings with me and they’ve never gone away. There were the cysts on the ovaries which were bigger than the baby too, then the tests to check that they weren’t cancerous and then the stress that work brought on – a similar pattern to what happened in 2015. My other half’s job was also pending change… a change that seemed to go on forever and never stick to the timeframe, salary, or general information given, all of this has just put me under a black cloud for the past few months. The only joy I have been able to get is through watching RLT change and grow. I’ve been a really bad partner, an emotional wreck of an employee and just general negative nelly. My little boy is literally the only thing that has stopped me retreating to bed and not getting up.

I have been to various people for support as I thought I was spiraling into pre-natal depression; newsflash, there much isn’t any support out there. Pretty much everyone has treated me like a hysterical woman, I even asked my other half to speak to people for me because he was a man, they may listen. That isn’t me, that isn’t something I’d usually do, I don’t rely on anyone.

At my worst, I contacted the union I am a member of, in the midst of a panic attack, I emailed them to ask for help on an issue I was having in which I felt I had no support – I detailed everything in there, only to get a reply that I either had to ring (I didn’t feel able to do that as I was at a low point) or visit them 30 miles away at the parent-friendly time at 7pm on a Friday evening. I felt this was disgusting, why am I paying for them to represent me as a working mother but the parameters are set to be anything other than supporting to the working mother? I wasn’t being hysterical, my email was factual and no emotion in there, but I was falling apart. It must be about six weeks on from that email and they have not phoned or contacted me to follow up, neither have Pandas who I also contacted. The difference is I pay this union for this terrible treatment, Pandas is operated by volunteers! I don’t feel confident of having a job when I am scheduled to go back to work, my position in the workplace just feels incredibly sidelined and of no value. I walk into meetings and feel that everyone has had a conversation about me that I am not privy too, it’s sad. I put my heart and soul into that place for a very long time and feel that I’ve been put in the reject bin like a raggydoll.

Going into the third trimester, the black cloud has lifted slightly, I’m still having all of the issues I was, but I seem to be in better control of my emotions, or I’ve just got better at being me again and keeping a lid on them. However, I’ve now got another trouble to add to the list – pelvic girdle pain. OH MY DAYS. I’ve had issues with my left hip all of my life. I had clicky hips as a child, discharged too early from hospital for them and had issues all of my childhood with no Cartledge forming so my joints running bone and bone, this has caused me to compensate and walk at an odd angle putting muscle on the wrong part of my legs etc etc. But it has been on and off and manageable – it even felt great in my last pregnancy. SO I WASN’T PREPARED FOR THIS TIME! If you’ve given birth once, lots of things are already looser than they were before – so there is no accounting for how you think your body will cope! I’m currently in my second week of what I can only call AGONY. Back, hip and leg. Physio has been offered, but only as a third option after I refused a sick note and codeine. Surely codeine can’t be good for your child as there is a small addictiveness to them if you take them as an adult over a prolonged timeframe? No way was I taking that risk, which unfortunately means physio and pain. Driving absolutely sucks, as does any amount of walking, moving, coughing, sneezing and generally living life.

So there should be about another 11 weeks of this left. Every day I am looking at my google pics from two years ago and that is getting me through. Come September it will all be worth it, I’m under no illusion that as hard as I have found the last 29 weeks, the first 29 weeks of having a baby and a toddler will be hard, but that is definitely a place I want to be. We’ve even been putting some practice in with the pram.

 

 

Living Arrows Week 14 {2018}

Living Arrows Week 14 {2018}

I am taking part in Donna from What the Redhead Said’s Living Arrows – which is a celebration of childhood!

We could all do with a little more celebration in our lives!

To quote Donna, “The project originally took it’s name from a poem by Kahlil Gibran,

“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth” and every Monday we share a moment (or a few!) from our week which captures a moment of childhood

Week 14

Little man has been on a roll this week. His talking has really come on and he is copying alot…. but he still prefers to sing! He seems to pick up the words to music after only hearing things for a few times., which is super cute. I made pancakes with him on Good Friday, I was hesitant as he hasnt been a big fan of our previous baking attempts, but he was so good at stirring this time. He gave it his full attention and was super proud of himself when the mixture went into the pan. I can’t wait to have next week off work with him!

little boy stirring mixing bowl

In other news…

Living Arrows is the one post I promised myself I would post and link up with weekly, however early into the year we had some news, which made it really hard to write honest posts! I’ve got them all saved up in drafts and can now publicly announce that I am 15 weeks pregnant! It hasn’t been the most straight forward of pregnancies, in fact I have felt at my lowest point at times. My hormones took a dive in the early days and I was in a bad place. I’ve been much better since the 12 week scan (after crying my eyes out in the scan, I think it was all built up due to finding out we’d lost our first baby, in 2015, at that scan). I seem to be plagued with cysts, which I had convinced myself was ovarian cancer, but thankfully (but painfully) the cysts keep rupturing, and others keep growing! I’m on cyst 4 now, in the opposite ovary. Two ruptured last week, so I had what I thought was a bleed, which terrified me given my previous experience, but everything was fine with the baby thankfully. I’ve been terrified to tell anyone about it, in case something happens, but I can see now that this was doing my mental health no good, so we are now telling people and are trying to be positive about the little bumps in the road!

I’m still not sure if Mark actually reads this blog, but if he does, I’m sorry for how nuts I have been thus far! It’s absolutely insane how little I have felt like myself in so long. Thank you for keeping everything together and I can’t wait to see if we get another little mini you!

 

 

 

Living Arrows