by iamcrabstix | Apr 17, 2019 | eet
My darling boy is already six months old. It feels like it has gone by so fast, yet life before having two seems like a lifetime ago.
EET is such a different baby from his brother, we didn’t actually realise how low maintenance RLT was until we had his brother. We jokingly called him Boss Baby when he arrived as he was very vocal about letting us know when he needed something, this is something we’d never really experienced with RLT until much later.
EET has had six months of being fed on demand, he has no inclination to switch over to bottle feeding or to have a dummy to settle. He will take a dummy now, but he really isn’t fussed by it so will spit it out when he’s finished playing with it.
Our breastfeeding journey has been up and down, I am constantly unsure whether he is getting enough, I can never find the time to express to up my supply and on a night time he has been known to wake every hour and a half for food, which takes it’s toll. We both had thrush and needed cream when he was three months old, at that point I was ready to try him on formula and trying to wean him off, but he had other ideas.
I wanted to get to two weeks, to six weeks, then to three months and then to six months and now I think we will just continue until he decides he doesn’t need it anymore. I’m trying to help him develop different sleep associations, which aren’t me! Breastfeeding is what is best for him, what makes him content and I’m off work to look after him so continuing is OK.
However, if you have other children and a will to have a child fit into your existing life, rather than everything being about them, breastfeeding is an incredibly difficult journey.
The reward of the bond with your child outweigh the difficulties but sleeping through or enjoying a night out are so far away.
The bond between brothers has been getting stronger and stronger – RLT mostly saves his displays of affection for his little brother for when he doesn’t think you’re watching, which is beautiful. E adores his big brother, loves any attention he gets from him and now he is able to laugh heartily when his brother plays peakaboo with him.
Bathtimes continue to be incredibly popular. Since E was around two months old he has shared this experience with his brother, getting his hair washed regularly, which he takes in his stride. He absolutely loved swimming when he tried it at aged six months when we visited Bluestone with my friend Nicola and her children. We haven’t done Waterbabies like we did with R, but there is still time to change this.
Little man absolutely loves going to his groups, he started going at five weeks, which is a little early, but I felt it important to get one-on-one time with each child, which groups give the ideal opportunity to do so. He loves Hartbeeps, but his absolute favourite is baby yoga without a doubt. He smiles and laughs all of the way through. Baby yoga is great too as the instructor gets images of us both together, which are usually difficult to get unless they’re selfies.
E has taken eating in his stride! He isn’t much of a fan of being spoon-fed, he would much prefer to do things on his own. He seems to really like strong tastes, coconut curry and fish pie seem to be big favourites at the moment. We started weaning at just over five months as it became apparent that he was ready – it had got to the point that he started stealing food out of people’s hands!
At six months old he enjoyed his first holiday to Bluestone, as with everything he look the six hour drive in his stride and was lovely the whole time. It made me excited for the summer to be outdoors with them both, although I think he takes after his mummy with his pale skin, so will be enjoying it under a parasol and lathered in factor 50.
Colic has been quite horrific with this one, he has suffered consistently until about 6 months old, when he started to get a bit stronger and sit up. Sitting up seemed to be something that he mastered within two days of being sat upright.
The jumparoo seems to be popular with him as does the Britax pushchair – we’ve found it to be the only place he will sleep other than being in someone’s arms! So it is a regular feature in our house, he loves to sit in it in the garden and watch the bubble machine or his brother and cat traipsing over the plants.
Ahhh the cat. His favourite thing in the entire world. They have some crazy bond, so likes to lay beside where he is playing and he likes to follow her with his eyes!
by iamcrabstix | Mar 8, 2019 | eet, general parenting
Mr Chunka Munka
We’ve known each other for five months now and you must think the world is very small, that you are just expected to get on with things and slot in to daily life. I wanted to write this, to let you know that this isn’t the case in my eyes. I see you, who you are and I want you to know that although your first five months have been very different from your brother’s, every moment with you has been a delight.
We haven’t had a lot of visitors but we have been parents for a few years now. To others we’ve done this before, but to us we’ve never done this with you or known you before!
Obviously you weren’t around the first time to make this comparison, but I was and at first, it broke my heart. I love you so very much and want you to know how important you are. But then I realised I can do this. All babies are different and exciting; no matter how many you’ve had before, you were ever so wanted and when people make the effort to meet you, they all love you to pieces.
We’ve had you all to ourselves and the people that matter have been in your life from the very start and continue to be so. As your Mummy, this has been amazing, because time goes so fast, so I am soaking it all up.
The first time, we had lots of people giving us advice whether we asked for it or not and this knocked our confidence; we don’t have this problem this time and we also have a little experience on our side; so you get the tried and tested ways to do things, which I think you will agree, is working for us as you’re such a happy little boy.
Because I understand that you being a baby goes so fast, you go to groups at a much younger age than your brother did, I’m not afraid to walk through that door because the groups are for you and we have a great time together.
You may have all of your brother’s old clothes, your brother’s old toys and not many things that you could class as only being yours, but this is because the first time, I thought your brother needed those things; I thought he needed all of the material possessions, the trendy little outfits when all he needed was his family and their time.
So this is what you have little one, a solid foundation supported by people that love you and will empower you to be your own little person. You may hear many times that you’re not like your brother and that’s OK. We want you to be two completely different people just as long as you are both there for each other, healthy and happy.
I love you to the moon and back, my little boss baby. You, your Dada and your brother are my absolute world.
by iamcrabstix | Jan 11, 2019 | eet, general parenting
I’d been absolutely dreading childbirth the second time around even though RLT’s childbirth was quite straightforward and quick. Where I was determined to use hypnobirthing and be drug free as possible the first time, this time I just wanted water and although I wanted to keep drug free because I didn’t like the thought of the impact of pain meds on the baby, if it hurt, I was more open-minded.
My lasting memory of last time I gave birth was the pressure in my behind – no one had mentioned that before, but it is something that my friend Nicola has experienced since in the birth of her second son, Felix. I did not want to feel as though I had the worst constipation ever that was finally making its way out and that’s exactly how I remember the initial pain of childbirth!
It’s taken me three months to write this because, at the time, labour felt relatively straightforward, but as we digested the events, we needed a little time to work through them in our minds. We already had one boy, we thought it would be quite similar, how wrong could we be!
So after getting engaged in Cuba in November 2017, being told work couldn’t finance my MBA in September 2017 and 35 approaching fast, I wanted to have another baby – before weddings and before the possibility of losing two years to academia happened. With the start date being delayed by a year, possibly two, putting off completing our family seemed like a rather silly thing to do and I’d be almost forty! Thankfully my other half agreed that it would be nice to have all of our family at our wedding and he would quite like a September baby just as he was.
Obviously, we didn’t realise that at the beginning of a New Year is the most popular time for people to try for a baby – this soon became apparent because every booking we need to make filled up fast! Appointments with midwives, scans and the most crucial one of all (which we would find out later) beds on maternity wards!
As I’ve mentioned before on this blog, I was extremely anxious during pregnancy and had a fair few early scans for one reason or another – but when our twelve-week appointment came around we were given the due date of 26th September – the most popular birthday in Britain!
I thought that was a little early by my dates so was sure it would be early October. I took a few weeks annual leave before my maternity leave was officially to start on 24th September as work advise to start maternity around a week before the baby gets here.
I’d been really tuned in to every tweak and feeling within this pregnancy as I was sure something bad was going to happen- that black cloud wouldn’t shift. I’d been sure my waters had broken (likely that I’d just wee’d – cringe) and my mum had taken RLT overnight a few times because I was just sure something was going to happen (probably me just psychologically rehearsing but I felt really odd pains at times – turns out it was baby flipping over).
Sunday 23rd I felt manageable period type pain – waiting for the pending uncomfortable pain in backside before I knew if it was anything serious. Asked my mum to take RLT overnight just in case, ummed and arred about this until bedtime, but thought it best to have an unneeded sleepover than to get him and Grandma out of bed in the early hours if required. This also meant that Mark and I could watch the finale of The Bodyguard uninterrupted! The pain kept slightly taking my breath away, so at 8pm I thought I’d best ring the maternity ward as it was every few minutes and as I found last time, I have a high pain threshold as contractions didnt bother me until I was 9cm – I was determined to have a waterbirth as it would be my last birthing experience so wanted to get there with time to fill the pool!
A quite blunt lady told me to ring back when my contractions were about 4 mins apart – I tried to argue that that is what I did last time and I was 9cm so I would like to come in and be examined now as it was 5-6 and there was no time for pain relief or pool last time. She asked how far away from the hospital I was, where I lived and told me I should stay at home longer and ring back. She really annoyed me, I found her to be quite rude so I didn’t want to ring back at all! I sat timing the contractions and I got to watch The Bodyguard! Determined that I didn’t want to be a time waster and that it hurt but wasn’t ridiculous, I pottered about the house for a few more hours, sorting things out, having a bath and then I felt like someone had put a stick up my bum! I knew what that meant! So the hospital I rang.
The lady I spoke to this time was much nicer, took down details of everything I was saying about needing to come in to be assessed as the pain was becoming hard for me to tolerate. She asked where I lived, I told her and she explained that they were now closed for new intake as they had reached their quota for how many midwives per patient on the ward. She would have to contact another hospital in our area to see if they could take me.
This was not part of the plan – I’d already had my little boy at that hospital, I was so happy with the care I got there and that’s where I had all of my scans. I didn’t even know where the maternity ward was in the other hospital. She said at least the hospital was a reasonable drive from me, she’d had to send people a 45 minute drive to there – imagine how they felt? I quite honestly couldn’t have given a rats ass about them at this moment in time. She put down the phone to call the other hospital about taking me and I broke down to Mark and started having a panic attack. I felt so unprepared for this! We had chosen that hospital for a reason, I’d been told so many horrible things about the other one and everytime I went there were smackheads smoking outside A&E, I didn’t want to have to fight my way though them! This was a nightmare!
She rang back at 11.22pm and confirmed they were waiting for me on the maternity ward. So we had a little whinge, did what we needed to do and set off for the hospital. Obviously this was the worst journey in the world, as it was dark, I was in such a bad mood about this and couldn’t catch my breath – oh and the contractions had ramped up. To add to this, Mark didn’t have a bloody clue where this hospital was as he isn’t from the area, so as well as everything else, I had to direct him (neither of us seemed to be thinking straight as our car has sat nav!?). A fox darted across the road just outside of our cul-de-sac, so now I had the added thoughts in my head that our cat was going to be eaten by a fox whilst we were out. OH THIS WAS WONDERFUL.
Even parking the car was an ordeal. Obviously, I didn’t give Mark any credit for being scared and taken off guard about the change in hospital at the time but he couldn’t get the car in the parking space, despite there being no cars around him and he then realised he had no change for the parking. The parking at the other hospital is pay on departure not arrival as this one was. He told me to go ahead and he’d catch me up – how about he just hurried his ass up; as I was in no state to try and navigate him round a hospital when he got lost, which he would as he as zero sense of direction unless it is up a mountain.
So there were two maternity wards on the signs, oh great. How the hell was I supposed to know which one to go to? I started getting upset. Mark pointed at one, said to try the one that was in our eye line. Pressed the buzzer, they were waiting for us at the other one, of course they were.
So we got to the other ‘maternity unit’ which when we got up close was the pregnancy assessment unit, they musnt have been able to fit all of those words on the sign downstairs. There were two ladies on reception, one a midwife and one a lady in blue scrubs who was getting instructions from the midwife. I must have looked terrified as the midwife was telling me not to be scared and that everything would be ok. She took me into an assessment room, she had a very calming manner about her, chatted to us both while I got on the bed and I had a little panic attack again about not being prepared as this wasn’t where I’d envisaged being, once she calmed me down she assessed me and told me I was 8cm – I’d bloody done it again and was so annoyed with the other hospital, if they had let me go in earlier I’d have been admitted!
The midwife said she was going to take me to the maternity unit, did I want to walk or did I need a wheelchair? I said I’d walk, just as I did when I was 9cm the last time. As we had 2 more cm to go I thought the walk would help.
She started locking up the pregnancy assessment unit and said that she would be delivering our baby. Wow, I thought good service that you get the same person all the way through, that’s really personal, maybe I was wrong about this place? She took me straight to a delivery room, which I noticed had the pool in the room next to it. Would I like the pool running? Yes please. She told me to get my nighty on and a maternity assistant came in with various bits and bobs, including a wristband for me which needed details on it. The midwife asked the maternity assistant to do it as she couldn’t remember what the procedure was – I thought that was weird but I had some other things going on so didn’t probe.
The pool was filling but it was massive and only had a bath-sized tap – the toilet was in the same room as it, so I kept going to check on it as I was sure I needed a number two 😂 there was that pain again! I remembered it well and it still felt awful! I was trying to visualise it was the baby’s head moving down rather than focusing on the pain, being on the bed felt like it would halt progress so I was walking around the room while I spoke to Mark who was sat in a chair and whooosssshhhh my waters went all over the floor and all over Mark’s shoes.
The midwife told me to get on the bed whilst she cleaned the floor and said to tell her if i felt like pushing? I had another two cm to go so was confused and I wasn’t in the pool yet? Then the pain ramped up a bit. I don’t think I took the gas and air out of my mouth at this point.
I can’t give you details of how many pushes because I blacked out. I remember pushing and the top half of my body julting backwards and forwards on the bed and hearing “Nicola, what do you think you’re doing?” from the Midwife. I came round and have no idea where I went, she told me to stay with her and follow exactly what she was telling me to do. She told me off for breathing away contractions rather than pushing, but I didn’t think I was. So I tried to tune in and pushed into my bum like I was told.
Then I was told to stop and under no circumstances to push – breathe the contractions away. She went between my legs and said the head was out, then she asked Mark to go around. What was she doing? I didn’t want him down there! She explained the cord was wrapped around the baby’s head twice, so we needed to get this off before I pushed anymore.
She asked me to look and I couldn’t. I didn’t want the first time I saw my baby to be of him with his cord around his head. So I kept my eyes closed and focused on the gas and air. I stupidly looked at Mark’s face for reassurance and he looked terrified. She asked Mark to cut the cord whilst she held it off the baby’s neck. She seemed very relaxed, but Mark, who is the calmest person I know, was really struggling to keep his emotions in check. He couldn’t cut through the cord and she was telling him to be faster and he sounded terrified when he was telling her the scissors weren’t cutting.
I puffed on the gas and air again, I couldn’t deal. When they got the cord cut, she told me to start pushing again immediately to get the baby out. She was pushing on my perineum to make it easier and I felt as though her calm mask had now slipped.
I’m pretty sure she pulled him out when his shoulders were out. Or that’s how it felt. Then he was placed on my chest! He was here and OK!
From getting to the hospital to him being out it took 57 minutes. It was fast and furious and alot to take in.
My blacking out and the cord incident had left Mark traumatised. He said he thought he was going to lose us when the midwife had left the room.
I was in a bit of a daze from blacking out. Apparently I did it a few times and Mark didn’t know what to do.
Someone came in to help Midwife and said to her “I bet you didn’t expect to do that when you came to work tonight”. She then explained she worked on pregnancy assessment and hadn’t delivered a baby in eight years, so it was a her pleasure to help us. No wonder it felt a bit rough and ready compared to last time!
We have since mentioned this to friends and one who is a Doctor was questioning whether the cord was clamped. Apparently it’s not really procedure that Mark was allowed to cut it when it was round the baby’s neck. Neither of us recall any clamping, but that’s not to say she didn’t do it without Mark seeing – but there was definitely blood spurting all over him when he was trying to cut. But he’s here and he’s perfect so we’re not questionning whether the midwife has not followed procedure.
I’m a little bit gutted I will never get to experience the water birth I wanted. But I think I’m fairly lucky with two births lightening quick! 2 hours 41 for the first and 57 minutes for the other.
The differences in care between the two hospitals was ridiculous despite them being part of the same trust. I definitely stand by my decision to opt to deliver elsewhere. The delivery suite which we stayed in until we left 7 hours later was next to the nurses station and we couldn’t sleep for the staff bitching and terrifying a first-year midwifery students with their tales of how hard done by they were. As the midwife who delivered out baby had gone to her ward, we were just left. I wasn’t offered any food or drink nor were we checked on by anyone other than the midwife who did the baby’s checks seven hours after delivery. It was very much a different experience to our first maternity unit experience but a very good story if the boys ever ask why their places of birth are different on their passports.
So little EET (who was nameless for a good few days after his birth) was born at 00.57 on 24th September 2018. He weighed 7lb 1oz although he looks huge on all photographs! Our little family is complete!
